Fear Becomes the Thief

I have always told my little girl that being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared to do something. Being brave sometimes means that you do it in spite of your fear. The sudden appearance of adversity puts you in a unique position to choose; the choice to push through and overcome your fear or to allow fear to overcome you, to control you. I believe bravery is a choice, as many things are. It has become a mindset for me, a shift. I have, in the last several years, chosen to be brave in scenarios and situations that I, in the past, instantly shied away from. I discovered that a lot of my hesitation was in part due to a false narrative that I had created in my head. It was very odd to hear suggestions from friends or colleagues that involved me doing or accomplishing something that was, in my mind, something I could not do. Something I had allowed fear to control; a place where I'd allowed fear to gain a foothold. I would often think, 'Why do they want me to do this?' Or better yet, 'What on earth makes them think I have something to contribute to this?!' Unfortunately, fear was doing much more than I realized. It had become a thief in my life. Have you ever had something stolen from you? The feeling of violation and anxiety, mixed with anger and frustration is something one doesn't easily forget. Have you ever had something intangible stolen from you? Think about it for a second. Typically we think of something physical that someone took. But what about time? An idea? Or an opportunity? I am all too familiar with that concept. In the past, I had taken a back seat to life-changing decisions while Fear climbed into the driver's seat. As a language learner and major in college, my professors encouraged me to study abroad. The instant they said the words "study abroad" I could feel the anxiety rising in my chest. I would agree, nod my head, and as soon as the conversation ended I would remind myself that I was absolutely not leaving this country for a semester or year at a time. At one point in my life, I had even decided I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone enlisted in our country's military because I feared the separation we could endure (not that there was a line of soldiers waiting outside my door). Fast forward several years to me being put in that unique position of choice. I had a choice to accept a study abroad scholarship. I had a choice to date the kindest, most incredible man I’d met, knowing he would soon get orders to deploy. Fear lays the groundwork for its theft with its whispers of doubt that have become a mantra in your head. “What could you possibly have to say that is worthwhile?”, “You aren’t an expert at this! Who’s going to listen to you?” “You are not strong enough to go through something like that.” But what if you stopped repeating those words in your head? What if you told yourself that you have something to give? Something to contribute? Hope to give others? Strength beyond measure? In life, we take measures and precautions to prevent actual theft. We lock our car doors, our homes at night, or wear really cool travel belts underneath our clothing to prevent pickpocketing (...you do that, right?). What about in our minds? How do we protect ourselves from being deprived of experiences and opportunities? I no longer wanted to live under a shroud of self-doubt. I wanted to see for myself if I could do these things I had convinced myself I couldn't. As a gymnast in high school, I had learned to tame fear. I allowed it no space in my head. Where had that girl gone? I missed her. I have been able to gradually make some changes over time. I decided to take that scholarship and had the time of my life in Leipzig, Germany. I agreed to go on a date with that wonderful man. Not only did we endure and conquer that separation as a married couple, but we have been married now for almost thirteen years and have two beautiful children. At work I decided to take someone up on their offer for me to co-present for professional development for our county. It was terrifying. But I did it. I survived. And it made me thirsty. That was four years ago. Last month I had the privilege of working and co-presenting with incredible educators  (@ACWLTeach, @k_twyla, @KBwlteacher) about using art in the World Language Classroom at a state-wide conference. I enjoyed every minute of it. It was so much fun. It was a happy place for me. I have impressed myself with my own progress and how much more joy I am finding in life because I am striving to take risks. I am daily trying to show my daughter and son that I am all in. That I am here to experience the best that life has to offer, the blessings that God has to give, the ups, the downs, the laughter, the tears. I want it all. I would rather risk it all in the name of hope than allow the Thief to steal one more moment or experience from me. What will you conquer this week? This year? Or even just today? You are braver than you realize. Bravery is forged in the fire of your trials, when suddenly you realize you did not perish. From snowy Virginia,

Robyn